I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
