Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize