The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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