hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
