remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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