You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
