Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
