Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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