Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize