I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
