The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize