I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize