Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
