THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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