I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
