Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
