i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
that may or may not have been my penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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