I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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