drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize