yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
