Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
