We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
