It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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