Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
