there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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