So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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