I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
