So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
from now on my penis is your penis
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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