Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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