I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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