Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
