I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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