All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
