arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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