just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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