sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
