i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
