just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
