I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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