my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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