I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
