I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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