apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
