why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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