Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize