I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
