the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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