you have to choose: penises or morals?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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