Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
