I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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