just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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