I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize