My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
