as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
