Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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