Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
