im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
