yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
