I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
