We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
