its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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