I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
