walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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