We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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