My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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