i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
