I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize