I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
