I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
