he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
