Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
