Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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