I puked a lego.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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