Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
