he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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