Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
