Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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